I quickly broke out into a sprint, leaving my blue satchel splayed on the floor. The wretched smell of decaying flesh, accompanied by a ferocious growl, was too much. I instinctively ran without a second thought.
“Janine!” I screamed countless times to no avail.
The growling had passed, but the stench remained. I slowed to a stop, approaching Janine as she sat comfortably on the broken bamboo bridge. A storm likely came through and broke the bridge; there was no getting to the other side.
Covered in sweat and my adrenaline turned up, Janine turned around and caught sight of the situation.
“What? Why do you have a fish in your hand?” she said.
“Well, it was just floating along the shore, and I wanted it. It was a mistake, though, since those dogs immediately chased me,” I replied
My abandoned bag seemed to be the only thing holding the dogs back, although they could easily jump over if they so pleased.
“Would you get a pic?” I said. I wanted to memorialise this moment forever, the moment I caught a fish with my bare hands.
“You really want a picture with that stinky thing?” Janine asked with an incredulous look. The fish had been dead for quite some time.
“Of course,” I said enthusiastically.
“Quickly then. I don’t know how long I can stand that smell.”
To be honest, I was more worried about the dogs kindly sitting behind my bag. It felt like any minute they’d agree my bag was an inadequate barrier.
“Alright, get that damn fish out of here,” Janine yelled as I threw the fish towards the dogs into the nearby lake.
Time passed smoothly, just sitting on the broken bridge with Janine, the dogs left, and I grabbed my bag. Rain fell as we began our journey home, and we got drenched.
“Another picture?” This time, I wanted to forever remember the moment I got drenched in rain with Janine.
Where had the time gone?
A week had passed since I was chased by dogs, but here I was, reliving the moments through my photos app.
Thank God I had those photos.
It felt like just yesterday I was being chased by a dog in the ever-looming threat of rain.
I thought to myself as I continued to doom-scroll, lying on my bed, extending a streak no one but me was keeping count of. My eyes were glued to the patterned lights blinking in front of me, and my thumb instinctively navigated the digital space to open my photos app and peek inside.
Scrolling through what might be just a highlight reel of my life, my thumb landed on the photo I was looking for.
The smelly fish! There I was making some face I thought would be photogenic, but how can you be when you’re holding a dead fish missing both its eyes? I could almost smell the fish through the picture, or maybe that was just me.
A sudden shift occurred on the bed, not heard but felt, pulling me down, my stomach sank, and I gasped for air. Frightened, I turned to face this new presence, seeing none other than my adorable kitty beckoning me to return to reality.
I obliged.
With her purring motor turned on, and my jarring return to the world completed. I suddenly realized all that I left unattended. Water was boiling on the stove, waiting for my attention. Dinner was prepared and ready to be eaten. All I had to do was get off the phone and start living again.
What was I so afraid of?
As her purring died down, I got out of bed. Expecting a monumental effort, I effortlessly shifted my weight from the bed to the floor, asking my two feet to bear the entirety of my weight. They did so with ease.
Walking through my hollow studio, adorned with the various trinkets that I’ve imbued my spirits with, I found the cats chasing my feet.. I opened the fridge and grabbed exactly what they wanted, the acrid cat food they held so dear.
What else was I supposed to do?
Oh, that’s right, I have dinner waiting on a still-hot plate.
I ate from my plate while the cats ate from theirs. With my stomach full, I enjoyed a hot shower from the boiling water on the stove.
I debated two things next. Would I think about my dreams, goals, and wants? Or should I just cuddle up on the bed and watch a fun movie?
I heard crickets in the back of my mind as I pictured my dreams. I guess that means a film was in order.
I grabbed my laptop, opened up Netflix, got in a comfortable position on the bed, and quickly found myself scrolling mindlessly on my phone lying on my bed once again. Not a single movie in sight.
Nothing caught my attention, but I continued onward, mindlessly scrolling on my phone. I strained once again to think about my dreams, goals, and wants in life. The words echoed through my empty mind as the rain began to thicken outside. My phone seemed to respond, not knowing what to do, I gave my full attention effortlessly, falling once again into paralysis, fading into obscurity, simultaneously feeling anger and joy.
Another week passed in an instant, as if somewhere miscellaneous, I let my soul slip away. No worry, I later found my soul once again while in my office, five minutes before the clock rang, signifying the end of the work day.
My friends texted me earlier about running, but the ever-looming threat of rain had sufficed to cancel our plans. No bother, I’ll just run alongside the riverfront near my house, rain or shine.
I packed my things quickly to beat the setting sun. I only had about an hour, so I took the quickest transportation I could find to make it back home.
I hastily dropped off my work bag on the table and swiftly changed into my running clothes.
It appears I would beat the rain and the sun today, light trickling through my door.
However, on my way to the riverfront, my statement proved false as the light rain progressively strengthened to a storm
By the time I was at the riverfront, the sun was still up, but the rain had begun falling like bullets. I was the only person outside.
All I could hear was the pitter-patter of rain on the concrete, the rustling of the leaves on the nearby trees. The birds seemed to scream for help while flying over the river, looking for protection.
I generally listen to music or a podcast while running, but the rain had sufficed to disconnect me from my headphones. With nothing but the sounds of nature around me, a new world seemingly opened up, as if I acquired a sixth sense for that which surrounds me.
I stopped caring how wet I got; the rain dripped from the bottom of my chin, mimicking a cold sweat. I was always told to avoid getting wet in the rain as I could get sick, but in this moment, I didn’t care. The feeling of running in the rain re-awakened something inside of me, something I still don’t know how to fully express
I was forced into the present moment, removing any need to pull out my phone, to feel connected to the digital world.
I made it home, dripping as if I had just showered, and I could once again think about my dreams, goals, and wants.
This time, instead of crickets, I heard something, as if a tiny man was yelling something at me. I couldn’t quite make it what they were saying, though.
I leaned into my thoughts, hoping to better understand what they were saying. I would be lying if I said I was not looking for something profound, something to give meaning to this life I live. I’ve been looking for that simple phrase to help me live in the moment, to simply live.
“BRaTh… BATITH… BaToMb,” I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying.
I returned to reality and opened the door to my apartment. I smelled something foul immediately. Thoughts of the fish floated through my mind. Terrible thoughts emerged: did my kitty pass away? I flipped the switch to turn on the light, full of dread, not knowing what to expect. A shadowy figure was illuminated adjacent to my bed. The figure jumped off the bed and ran out of sight.
My cat had shit the bed.
My head went blank, ignoring the tiny voice, the smell of shit remained, the sight of shit in a napkin, the remorse my cat seemed to exhibit. I just went through the motions to clean the place, as well as myself, after running in the pouring rain.
I thought back on my dreams, goals, and wants, and the voice remained, but this time, it was clearer.
“BATHROOM” Bathroom? That was all? What could that mean?
I looked at the shit in the napkin and felt something off. I started sweating, felt clammy, and I knew something was coming out.
I rushed to the bathroom and let out all the contents of my stomach into the toilet directly underneath me.
I guess you really can get sick from running in the rain.
With everything seemingly out, I cleaned up as best I could and thought once again about my dreams, goals, and wants.
Crickets were all I could hear, but something felt different, as if that tiny voice was encouraging me to listen.
Something felt removed, maybe all that life amounts to lies in the details.
I started paying attention.
Turn off the Bright Lights 